Before the diagnosis, I was beginning a life I had wanted for a long time. I was living in Australia, building a home and a family, and working towards my dreams. I had just spent time in Ecuador, hugging my family and feeling the closeness I had missed so much. I was also returning with a new hope: I had just become engaged to the love of my life. It made me so happy and filled my heart. We returned to Australia believing that many good things were beginning.
I was also an insecure Bianca. I compared myself to others and found it hard to think positively about myself. I was in a constant struggle with my body and with the expectation of how I should look. I was trying to discover what I wanted to be and do. I felt happier, more independent and strong, although I often confused being strong with having to manage everything. I had always been empathetic and communicative, but I was still learning to trust myself.
I thought I would always want to live in Australia. I had plans, dreams and a life I was beginning to build. Even before my diagnosis, I was afraid that one day I might have to face something terminal or incurable, though I did not imagine that possibility could come so close.
If I could speak to the Bianca I was before, I would tell her that it is okay to be afraid. She does not have to be the strongest all the time or prove anything to anyone. She does not need to know how to get through every single thing before she lives it.
Just three months after returning from Ecuador, I received the diagnosis. And with that news, the life I thought I was beginning took another direction.